I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
