I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
