I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
