so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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