I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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