I just threw up on my dentist
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
