Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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