I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
