and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
