I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize