just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
