i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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