Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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