oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
