i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
