the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
