I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
