You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
