Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
