Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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