Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
