My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
