the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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