If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
