Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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