Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
