Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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