If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
