The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm going to jail i love you
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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