hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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