Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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