I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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