I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
