"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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