I wish I could punch you in the face.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
so much tequila, so little girl.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
