Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
