Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
