The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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