If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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