Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
