eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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