why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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