i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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