ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
