He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
