How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
