I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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