Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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