Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
