the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I am one with the molecules
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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