i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize