I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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