I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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