I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
