OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
