Yo dont text me then not text me
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Four minutes until I can fart!
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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