Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
