Do you still have your period?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize