After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
