I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
