Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
