I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
