so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
