You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize