we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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