Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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