hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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