I accidentally had phone sex last night
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just pynch a tree in the face
im holly from the hills drunk
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
