i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I pour the whiskey from now on
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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