actually, I'm a sock model
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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