69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
