There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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